Moving Past Mommy Guilt

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

 

Last Sunday, Chris (my husband) and I had a cookout at our place. My mama wanted Nailah to spend the night with her and my daddy two nights in a row; however, I was a little hesitant. She’s spent the night with them a few times, but never more than one night. Anyway, Chris insisted that I let her stay because he said I needed a break. Which was true (don’t tell him lol).

Other than the two days a week she spends with her grandparents, Nailah’s pretty much with me 24/7. So yes, there are times I need a break because 1. It can be hard to get work done with her at home (at least when she’s awake); and 2. I don’t get a lot of sleep some nights because I’m still breastfeeding (working on weaning — if you have tips, let me know).

Even though I know I can use a break and I’m happy when I actually get one, I sometimes struggle with feeling guilty about needing/wanting that time. But what I’ve realized is that if I don’t give myself a break when I need to and if I don’t take time for myself, I can’t be the best mother because I’ll feel frustrated, overwhelmed, and stressed.

If you’re a fellow mama, I encourage you to take breaks when needed. Not only will they help you be a better mother, you’ll be more effective in the other areas of your life and you’ll feel more calm, fulfilled, and joyful.

Is it hard for you to take a breather from your kid(s), or do you take breaks? Let me know by leaving a comment.

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4 Comments

  1. Yes, I do feel guilty about asking hubs to watch our little man. He works 12-14hrs a day and so I feel like he is the one that needs that time for rest more than I do. He is happy to habe that “dude time” but I almost feel like my tiredness from caring for the baby doesn’t compare to what he’s experiencing.

    • I totally feel you, Brittany. Since Chris works at least 12 hours and at night (and not to mention the fact that I work from home), I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve a break, so to speak. But I know that if I don’t take breaks and time for myself, I’m no good. And besides, I’m worth taking care of, and you are, too! 🙂

  2. This is such a timely post for me. I chose to come to Chicago to help my extended family after surgeries and a death. Leaving my own family behind was heart-wrenching for me, but I knew that was the best choice (plus my husband told me that is what he wanted me to do).
    Now that I’ve been here for several days, I see how I needed this break from being Mom, so that I could get refreshed and refocused. This is my normal routine every July, but not doing it with my family was tough. However, I see the value in it. I can’t wait to get back to them, but in the meantime, I am making the most of my non-mommy time.

    About weaning: Our youngest weaned at about 18 months old. Basically, I just kept replacing my milk with good fresh foods and drinks (including organic dairy milk). We taught her how to drink from a cup, and eventually, she wanted to be at the table with all of the people bigger than her. Also, I never was a night-time nurser. So, I didn’t have to fight that battle to wean her, but if that is the case, then you’ll need to guide her in learning ways to self-soothe and wind down at night on her own.

    • Thanks for your comment, Donna! I’m so much more happy that I’ve finally realized how important having time for myself is. And thank you for the weaning tip.

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