Black Mom's Guide to Calm

5 Ways to Find Calm Through Life Transitions

Black Mom's Guide to Calm

So, I recently decided to find a part-time job after years of only working from home, and I completed my first week last week. Of course, I still have my motherhood duties and my business, plus all the day-to-day things. Needless to say, it’s been a hectic week, and I’ve been feeling pretty overwhelmed by things.

Because I’m a recovering perfectionist and control freak, I felt like this adjustment process should have been easier for me and that I should have been able to get everything done for the day in spite of the fact that 1. I now have fewer hours to do things in; 2. Life — and children — don’t always adhere to the plans in your head or on paper; and 3. It’s only been a week. That’s 7 days. Still, I’ve been beating myself up because I haven’t been able to do all I want when it comes to working on my business and spending time with Nailah (enter more mommy guilt). And I haven’t figured out a schedule that works yet.

Thankfully, though, this process has been another great reminder in learning how to stay calm in the midst of life’s changes. Here’s what is working for me:

  1. Practicing mindfulness. Most of my feelings of stress and overwhelm comes from worrying about what’s not getting done or what I have left to do — and feeling like I won’t be able to get it done (which is also a waste of valuable time). I’ve been more intentional about staying in the present moment and concentrating on one thing at a time, which allows me to focus and feel more at ease.
  2. Making sure I practice my morning routine. This consists of meditating, reading/reciting my affirmations (with crystals), writing what I’m thankful for and my daily intentions, and pulling a card from my Womanifesting Fertility Goddess Affirmation Cards. Yes, I now have to get up a bit earlier to get it done before my daughter wakes up, but I can definitely tell the difference when I don’t do it (it’s not good). So, to make sure I stay relatively calm, centered, and grounded, I make sure I do these things.
  3. Being gentle with myself. As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been beating myself up about things. Therefore, when I feel that negativity trying to creep in, I remind myself that it’ll take some time to get acclimated to this new normal and to just focus on doing my best.
  4. Creating a (rough) schedule for my days/ week. Adding a job to the mix has helped me see that my days weren’t super structured before. However, I see why they should be: My days will likely go more smoothly, and I won’t feel as overwhelmed because I’ll know what days I do certain things. For example, I’ll choose one day to write, one day to create social media posts, etc. I’ll also stop adding too much to my to-do/intentions list.
  5. Allowing myself to be where I am. I think this is the biggest one for me. I tend to be someone who focuses on the future and lot and where I want to be (like I mentioned in this post). Planning and thinking of your future isn’t a bad thing in and of itself, but it can become an issue when you’re always wishing things were different or you were somewhere else than where you are now. The present moment is all there is, so I have to allow myself to simply be here, work with what I’ve got, and make the most of now.

“Your calm mind is the ultimate weapon against your challenges.” – Bryant McGill

The Power of Presence

Black Mom's Guide to Calm

As many of you know, I’ve been separated from my husband for some months now, which, of course, has cause my life to do a 180. And needless to say, I have a lot going on: My daughter and I are living with my parents at the moment, I’m building my business/empire, rebuilding my self-love and self-worth, becoming financially independent, in addition to being a mama to a 4-year-old (and life in general).

During this time, I’ve been pretty focused on my future, what I’m intending to manifest and figuring out what I want next. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with thinking about/visualizing/planning for your future; the issue is when you do it so much that it 1) prevents you from living in the moment; and 2) causes you to feel stressed, overwhelmed, and anxious, which is what I’ve been feeling.

Because of this, my mantra for the past few weeks has been Stay Present. As the Calm Coach, I know all about the power of being present and why I need to be. A few reasons you should be present (also known as practicing mindfulness), you:

  • stop or lessen your overthinking.
  • improve your focus.
  • reduce stress.
  • improve your overall well-being.

However, being that I’m human — with a tendency to overthink — my logic is that if I constantly plan and obsess think about the future, I’m going to make things happen more quickly and how I want them to, and I have the illusion that I’m in complete control of making things happen.

Since I’ve started being more intentional about being present, I’ve noticed that life actually goes more smoothly and things just have a way of working out. Additionally, I’m putting a lot less pressure on myself to achieve things by a certain time/date, and I’m more compassionate with myself. I also don’t beat myself up (as much) about what I don’t get done or the mistakes I’ve made. I now go with the flow more easily, I’m more peaceful, focused, and I’m more trusting of the process and the Universe.

One way to start being more present is by using mantras/affirmations. Here are a few I use when I need the reminder:

  • I focus on what’s in front of me.
  • I choose to live in the moment.
  • I trust the process of life.
  • Breathe.
  • I am enough.
  • I am doing my best.
  • I trust in Divine Timing.

“Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life.” – Thich Nhat Hanh

 

10 Affirmations for Your Sacral Chakra

Chakras refer to the wheels of energy throughout our bodies in yoga, meditation, and Ayurveda. There are seven main chakras that align the spine, starting at the base and through the crown of your head. Because they affect our psychological, emotional, and spiritual states of being, it’s important that the chakras stay open, fluid, and aligned. 

Located in the reproductive area, the sacral chakra connects to our feelings, emotions, sexuality, and creativity. When it’s unbalanced, you might feel:

  • jealous
  • guilty
  • shame around your body and sexuality
  • out of alignment with your emotions
  • a block in your creativity

When your sacral chakra is balanced, you are:

  • in tune with your emotions
  • more sensual and creative
  • allowing yourself to feel pleasure
  • more flexible and patient

Affirmations are a great way to balance and heal your chakras; here are 10 for your sacral:

  1. I embrace life with passion.
  2. I allow myself to experience pleasure.
  3. Creativity flows through me.
  4. I am co-creator with the Divine.
  5. I allow myself to feel all of my emotions.
  6. I enjoy my sensuality and sexuality.
  7. I love life, and life loves me.
  8. I deserve for life to feel good.
  9. I own my feminine magic.
  10. I am free to be who I am and enjoy my life.

Learn how to balance and heal your sacral chakra on Sunday, Feb. 18th at the Mind, Body, Spirit Sister Circle! Learn more, and sign up here: bit.ly/MBSFebruaryCircle

10 Affirmations for Your Root Chakras

Black Mom's Guide to Calm

Chakras refer to the wheels of energy throughout our bodies in yoga, meditation, and Ayurveda. There are seven main chakras that align the spine, starting at the base and through the crown of your head. Because they affect our psychological, emotional, and spiritual states of being, it’s important that the chakras stay open, fluid, and aligned.

The root chakra is located at the base of your spine and consists of the things that ground you to stability in your life. This includes your basic physical needs (food, water, shelter, safety) and your emotional needs (like moving past fear and worry).

When your root chakra is unbalanced, you might feel:

  • “out of it”/like your mind is all over the place.
  • anxious or worried.
  • unworthy.

When the root chakra is balanced, you feel:

  • stable.
  • secure.
  • trusting (of yourself and your Higher Power).

One way to heal your chakras is through affirmations, and here are 10 that will help:

  1. I feel safe and secure.
  2. I am grounded.
  3. I trust life, and I trust myself.
  4. I am open to all possibilities.
  5. I trust in the goodness of life.
  6. I have the right to be here.
  7. I am centered.
  8. I am exactly where I need to be.
  9. Life is conspiring in my favor.
  10. I live in an abundant universe.

You can repeat these whenever you feel the need, or you can use one (or more) while meditating.

Everything Is Working Out! A Guided Meditation

When you’re going through some shit, and you’ve been going through it for a while, it can seem like it’s never going to get better. Trust me, I’ve been there, and I still have those moments from time to time.

That’s why we have to remember that no matter how it might feel or look at the moment, everything is working out for us!  This guided meditation will allow you to rest in the knowing that life is conspiring in your favor, and all is well. Watch it below.

 

Create More Calm in 2018! 3 Intentions to Set

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

We’ve just begun a new year, making it a great time to create your calm by setting some intentions for inner peace. Creating calm and stressing less allows you to feel more centered and at peace more often than not, you’ll feel better (physically, mentally, emotionally), plus you’ll worry less and be happier.

Now that you know a few reasons why you should be intentional about creating calm, here are 3 intentions to set to help you do just that:

1. Know your stressors. It will be difficult to find your calm if you’re not sure what, exactly, is stressing you. And I know that the thought of not actually knowing why you’re stressed might sound kind of weird, but because we’re such “go, go, go people” and have a lot going on, it’s probably not super easy to pinpoint why we’re feeling overwhelmed. With that said, some common stressors include working long hours, money woes, relationship problems, emotional issues, and unrealistic expectations. Once you figure out what’s stressing you, you can then determine whether you can change the situation or if you need to accept it and learn ways to cope, which brings me to…

2. Have go-to calm practices. While there are some things you can do to get eliminate stress in your life (e.g., limiting contact with people, taking things off your to-do list, etc.), you’ll still deal with stress from time to time — because, human. And that’s where having calm practices come in. Some of my favorites are meditation, mindfulness, yoga, deep breathing, smudging, spending time alone, reading, and crystal healing. Try one (or a few) to see what works best for you.

3. Flow and trust. This is one of the biggest lessons I’ve been learning over the past few years. A huge cause of stress for me has been trying to be in control of everything, and when I couldn’t, worrying about those things I couldn’t control. It’s been challenging (and I still have difficulty at times), but I’ve learned how to go with the flow of what comes in my life — even when I don’t understand — and trust the process and the journey. Know that everything is working FOR you, and life is conspiring in your favor.

“Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives to responding to conflict.” – Dorothy Thompson

Are there any more calm intentions you would add? Let me know by leaving a comment!


Black Girl's Guide to Calm

Tap Into Your Inner Peace: 8 Quotes for Inspiration

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

Even as the Calm Coach, I have moments I need to tap into my inner peace. As I’ve mentioned here on the blog and on social media, my husband and I are separated (it’s not a terrible thing, btw), my daughter and I are back at my parents’ house, I’m working on myself, and I’m growing my business and getting my finances together. Needless to say, the past few months have been particularly stressful and overwhelming for me.

Fortunately, I’ve been able to stay (relatively) sane, calm, and centered with various practices like yoga, meditation, mindfulness, practicing self-care, and affirmations. If you find yourself feeling stressed or overwhelmed, here are a few quotes that will inspire you to find your calm:

  1. “Your calm mind is your weapon against your challenges. So relax.” – Bryan McGill
  2. “Relax. Everything is running right on schedule.” – The Universe
  3. “Slow down. Calm down. Don’t worry. Don’t hurry. Trust the process.” – Unknown
  4. “If the ocean can calm itself, so can you. We are both salt water mixed with air.” – Nayyirah Waheed
  5. “The day she let go of the things weighing her down, was the day she began to shine the brightest.” – Katrina Mayer
  6. “Everything you do can be done better from a place of relaxation.” – Stephen C. Paul
  7. “Quietness with thoughtful reflection and relaxation can be empowering.” – Cynthia Wright
  8. “Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. You are doing just fine. You’ll be just fine. It will all get done, whatever it is. You don’t need to stress. You just need to relax, trust, and take it all one slow step at a time.” – Lori Deschene

Do you have a favorite quote that inspires you to find calm? Please share by leaving a comment!

 

Keep Calm, Sis: 5 Reasons You Need to Find Your Calm

Black Mom's Guide to Calm

 

2014 was the year I started finding my calm. It was a few months after my daughter was born, and not only was I learning how to be a mom, trying to find harmony between everything I had going on, I also felt I didn’t have enough help from my husband. So, the time after her birth was extremely stressful, overwhelming, and frustrating. Ultimately, I realized I had to do something about it because I couldn’t keep being nor living the way I was. Discovering ways to overcome my overwhelm and find my calm was like a breath of fresh air and life-changing.

As a Black woman, I know many of us don’t see the importance of having tools that will help us lessen or eliminate the stress in our lives (thankfully, more of us are starting to see the benefits). Culturally, we’re taught to “just deal with it” and to put everyone else’s needs, wants, and well-being before our own. If you’re one of these women (and it’s okay if you are!), I encourage you to let go of that outdated way of thinking and make yourself and your peace a priority. Here’s why:

  1. You will go with the flow and worry less. Having practices that help you stress less (like meditation, mindfulness, and yoga) help keep your mind calm, clear, and relaxed more often than not. These practices also remind you and assist you in living in the present moment, which helps you not to worry so much, since you’re focused on what’s happening now (as opposed to the future).
  2. You become happier. Being stressed all — or most of — the time can rob you of your happiness; more than likely, you’re almost always irritable, moody, frustrated, and/or sad. So, when you make finding your calm a priority, you invite more joy in.
  3. You have better focus. Stress hormones can mess with your normal brain function, causing your mind and thoughts to be all over the place. That makes it hard to focus on what’s important and what you’re trying to accomplish. Discovering ways to find your calm will allow your mind to be more clear so you can get shit done.
  4. You’ll feel better. Stress takes a toll on your mental and physical health in various ways: headaches, fatigue, muscle pain, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, and sadness, just to name a few. Finding ways to lessen or get rid of your stress will allow you to feel great mentally, physically, and emotionally.
  5. Your life will work better. Finding your calm and living from a space of peace allows you to make the best decisions in your life, relax more, create more positive energy, and it can even attract your desires to you (because you’re flowing instead of worrying).

“Everything you do can be done better from a place of relaxation.” – Stephen C. Paul


Find your calm by downloading my guided meditation below! 

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

10 Quotes to Help You Remember Who the F*ck You Are

 

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

2017 has been a roller coaster of a year for me. I’ve had a lot of positives happen (new friends, business ideas and opportunities, discovering more of myself) and negative things that are allowing me to grow as a person (my separation, moving back home, figuring out my finances). Admittedly, some of the lessons had a not-so-great effect on my self-worth and self-esteem, so for the past few months, I’ve been doing a lot of work around truly loving myself. And part of that has been reminding myself of who I really am.

The quotes that I’m sharing are ones that I have in my phone’s “Inspiration” photo album, or I have them saved in my IG collection. They are my go-tos when I need to remember who the fuck I am — and they’ll do the same for you!

  1. “She remembered who she was, and the game changed.”
  2. “Note to Self: You good, you poppin.'”
  3. “Give yourself permission to live a big life. Step into who you are meant to be. Stop playing small. You’re meant for greater things.”
  4. “Own your power.”
  5. “Close your eyes and imagine the best version of you possible. That’s who you really are; let go of any part of you that doesn’t believe it.”
  6. “Dear ladies, Please don’t let one day pass without you feeling like the beautiful, talented, bomb ass goddess you are.”
  7. “You are magic. Own that shit.”
  8. “Trust your dopeness.”
  9. “You’re a bright beautiful goddess.”
  10. “Admit it. You’re dope. Stop pretending you’re less than you are to protect someone’s ego. Be unabashedly aware of your fresh.”

And here are a few affirmations I use to remind me of who I am:

  • I am that bitch.
  • I am magic.
  • I am a goddess.
  • I am a badass, boss bitch.

Know who the fuck you are, and own it. You got this!

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

 

Trusting the Process of Life

Black Girl's Guide to Calm

As I mentioned on social media a few weeks ago, I’ve been dealing with some personal issues. My husband and I are currently separated. And while I was hurt and taken aback by the way it happened, I’m not totally surprised by what happened because we’d grown apart and had our issues (and I’d actually been going back and forth with it myself).

Due to our separation, my daughter and I have been staying with my parents for almost two months, and needless to say, it’s been an adjustment. It’s been…interesting, to say the least, because although moving back had crossed my mind, I didn’t think I’d actually have to do it — and definitely not now. So, basically, I’ve had to create a new normal and trust whatever comes next.

I believe that everything happens for a reason and things happen when they’re supposed to, even when it doesn’t feel good or necessarily make sense to us. Admittedly, it took me a really long time to learn this (maybe it’s one of those things you learn after 30?), but now that I know — for sure — it’s true, I generally go with the flow of whatever happens in my life. Trust me, it hasn’t been easy, but here’s how I learned to do it:

  • I constantly remind myself that I can’t control everything. I’ve pretty much always been someone who likes for everything to go exactly how I envision. And when it doesn’t, I had the tendency to kind of freak out about it. But getting older — and having a child and life itself — has helped me really see that I can’t control everything. And that’s okay.
  • I focus on what I can control, and take inspired action. Here’s what I mean by taking inspired action: Instead of acting from a space of desperation and lack, I listen to my intuition and Higher Self about what steps I should take next, even if Spirit tells me to be still.
  • I (do my best to) stay present. Practices like meditation and yoga have helped me learn how to be more mindful in my daily life and focus on what’s happening now.
  • I practice gratitude and look for the good. When we have situations that are less than favorable, we tend to focus on how much it sucks, and notice the other things that suck, drawing more sucky things to us. On the flip side, when we focus on the good (either in the situation or in general), not only do we feel better, we also attract more good to us.
  • I reflect on other situations where the Universe had my back. If you’re like me, you’ve made it through other times when you didn’t know how the hell you would. And you’ll do the same now!

Trust the Universe (or your Higher Power) and the path you’re on. Life loves you and is always conspiring in your favor! Know it with every fiber of your being!

Affirmation:

I choose to trust the process of my life.”

 


Black Girl's Guide to Calm